With the recent release of the 50 Shades of Gray movie, bedroom BDSM has become a hot topic. For those of you wanting to dabble we have some tips from our sexperts to help things go smoothly and safely.
Let’s start at the beginning with what it is: BDSM most commonly stands for Bondage and Discipline/Dominance and Submission/Sadism and Masochism/Sadomasochism. If those words are foreign to you and you just wanted to keep it light and simple, keep reading.
The biggest thing to remember is that you HAVE TO SET BOUNDARIES! Start with a safe word, that way you can explore your sexuality without worrying that things will go too far. You’ll be able to enjoy the moment without worrying about what’s coming next and if you’ll like it or not since you have a way to tell your partner to stop and move to something else without stopping everything. If you already know you will enjoy having your hair pulled but think that being slapped will be taking it too far then let your partner know ahead of time. Setting clear boundaries will help you build trust and as you explore what does and doesn’t work for each of you, you can always expand your boundaries.
Tell your partner about your needs, wants, fantasies, and desires. You can even make this a part of your foreplay. Talk about what you want to do to them, what you want them to do to you, how you want them to make you feel. Tell them what you what to feel, what you want to happen. If you think this is too much and you can’t openly and honestly talk about it, then you probably aren’t ready to actually try it. Start slower with something smaller and work your way up to the heavy stuff. Remember you can always try something new, but jumping into something you’re not ready for isn’t something you can undo.Have a safe word and take things slowly. One of the biggest problems people who are new to BDSM make is jumping in headfirst. Try one thing at a time, whether it be a fantasy (I highly recommend the naughty secretary) or a new sensation like erotic spanking. If you keep it simple and just try one thing at a time you and your partner will learn together what you both like. However if you go full throttle and find yourself blind folded, tied up, and spanked you may not enjoy it, but it may just be one aspect of the encounter that didn’t work. Keep in mind that while it sounds simple, being blind folded is a major sensory deprivation, it will enable you to better focus on every sensation you are feeling, but it takes away the intimacy of eye contact and that may not work for you.
Take things one step at a time and be safe, so that you aren’t putting yourself or your partner at risk. Most importantly enjoy exploring yourself and your sexuality with your partner, it will be a very rewarding and bonding experience.
