If you have recently found yourself drawn into the BDSM lifestyle, you may find the barrage of information available to you to be a bit overwhelming. Don’t worry we’re here to help. Learning what you may like or dislike is a challenge, but not one that you have to face alone, and it’s one that can be fun. The question you will find being asked of you most often is what your limits are. Here are some tips to help you be prepared to answer it the next time you’re asked.

Understanding Limits

The first step to being able to answer this question is understanding what limits are. Limits are the end all be all in the bedroom, and over time you may find yourself pushing these personal boundaries. Everyone has limits from things they aren’t interested in, things they refuse to do, and even things they will do but only in special circumstances. The three main types of limits are:

• Soft limits – actions or activities that you do not wish to do but are willing to explore under the right circumstances with the right person. Soft limits are meant to be explored.
• Hard limits – actions or activities you will not do under any circumstances; based on fear or moral issues
• Triggers – involuntary social, mental or physical responses that you cannot control, or may even know about until they happen. Often triggers exist when abuse or trauma has happened to the individual and your mind will program a fight or flight response when that trigger is activated.

There are numerous ways to learn what your limits are, but if you are really new these are a great place to start. Even a combination of these tips can be helpful, and fun to watch shift and change as you grow in your sexual explorations.

Make a Checklist

It doesn’t have to be the pages long agreement you may have seen in 50 Shades of Grey, however the more options you allow yourself the clearer your limits will become to you and your partner. A great free printable limit checklist can be found here.

Write it Down

Had a super sexy dream? Saw a scene in a movie that turned you on? Write it down. Keep a journal in a sense of what you really like and what you don’t. Spend some time brainstorming what BDSM means to you, and what turns you on or off about it. Your journal doesn’t have to be just for turn on’s. If there’s an aspect of BDSM you’ve heard of that’s made you scared, or that you’ve shied away from, be sure to write it down. These likes and dislikes are great starting points for your limits.

Experience

You can study and plan all you want, but as with most things in life there is no way to truly know if you like something unless you try it. The great news is a lot of kink can be tried solo, that’s right you can go ahead and try on some nipple clamps and give yourself a spanking all alone next time you’re spending a little time taking care of yourself. While you are still learning your limits it is of utmost importance you have a clear safe word worked out with your partner that leaves no room for questioning a stop action. Enjoy the experience as you both grow together.