By now if you haven’t read it, or seen the movie, you’ve at least heard of Fifty Shades of Grey. With all the buzz there may be a lot of new terms flying around that you’ve never heard of, but maybe they have peaked your interest. As always we’re here to help with some basic definitions to help you muddle through the mess.
![bondage]()
Bondage
The act of using physical restraints, rope, handcuffs, silk scarves, etc. to gain pleasure. Normally the pleasure is sexual in nature and may be for only one partner or both. The pleasure can be due to the feeling of being completely vulnerable and at the mercy of your partner, or being completely in control of your partner. Either partner can be the one restrained. You’d be surprised how many men enjoy finding themselves powerless to their female counterpart.
Discipline
Discipline can mean punishment, but mostly it is about learning correct behavior. Punishment can be physical or psychological. The most common forms of discipline are humiliation, spanking, or temporary ‘imprisonment’, generally through bondage. Discipline can also be more simple, such as not allowing the Submissive to achieve orgasm until they have properly behaved.
Dominance
The control over ones partner in erotic encounters or as a lifestyle. In general, the dominant person(s) are the ones who ‘give the orders’. Other terms for the person in this position are Top, Dom, Dominant, Master, or Mistress.
Submission
Is a set of behaviors by the submissive individual. Including the surrendering of their own free will and seeking to submit their partner. This can also be only during erotic encounters, or as a lifestyle. Other terms for the person in this position range based on the amount of submission: sub. Submissive, slave, pet, babygirl/boy, just to name a few.
Switches
A switch is someone who participates in BDSM activities sometimes as the Dominant and sometimes as the Submissive. This could be either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners.
Sadism
The act of gaining pleasure, often sexual in nature, from the infliction of pain, physically or emotionally, upon others between two consenting adults.
Masochism
The act of gaining pleasure, often sexual in nature, from the reception of pain upon oneself between two consenting adults.
Sadomasochism
The act of gaining pleasure, often sexual in nature, from both the infliction and reception of (physical/psychological) pain upon others and oneself.
Safe word
A predetermined word that would not normally be said during a sexual encounter so that when so that when “no” or “stop” are used in the heat of the moment, the other person can disregard it. However if one partner becomes uncomfortable the safe word can be used to immediately stop the interaction.
If we haven’t quite cleared it up enough for you I recommend Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Greenery Press, 2000. For a little further reading. It’s not as juicy as 50 shades but it will most certainly give you a better understanding of the BDSM world.
