Hitting on a woman should create butterflies, not make her start mentally identifying the nearest emergency exit.
There is a difference between “Damn, this person is flirting with me” and “Damn, why is this person following me toward my car?” Learning that difference is approximately 90 percent of being good at flirting.
First, forget the ridiculous pickup lines.
If your opening sentence contains the words “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” she has probably heard it before. Possibly from someone wearing too much cologne and a shirt with three unnecessary buttons undone.
Try being normal.
Walk over, smile, make eye contact, and say, “Hey, I saw you and wanted to come introduce myself.”
Look at that. You survived.
You don’t need to pretend you’re asking about the weather. She knows why you walked over. You know why you walked over. The bartender knows why you walked over. Somewhere, your grandmother probably knows why you walked over.
You think she’s hot.
That’s allowed.
The trick is letting her know you’re attracted to her without immediately behaving like you’ve been stranded on a desert island without women for eleven years.
Start with her face, her style, her energy, or something genuinely interesting about her.
“You have a ridiculously sexy smile.”
“You look like you’re probably trouble.”
“You have this confidence about you that I really like.”
These have a little heat without immediately jumping to, “Greetings, stranger. I have several observations regarding your breasts.”
Please don’t do that.
Good flirting is a slow burn.
Eye contact matters. Humor matters. Chemistry matters. Sometimes the sexiest moment isn’t saying something filthy at all. It’s holding someone’s gaze a second longer than necessary and giving them that little smile that says, Yes, I’m flirting with you, and yes, I’m pretty sure you noticed.
Then see what she gives you back.
If she’s laughing, teasing you, asking questions, moving closer, or finding excuses to keep talking, there may be something happening.
If you’re getting:
“Yep.”
“Nope.”
“Cool.”
“My boyfriend is actually standing directly behind you.”
Your romantic expedition may have reached its conclusion.
Do not respond by trying harder.
This is where some people mysteriously decide that rejection is merely the beginning of negotiations.
It isn’t.
If she’s not interested, smile and say, “Nice meeting you,” and go enjoy the rest of your night. Being able to take a no without having an emotional system failure is genuinely attractive.
But if she’s clearly enjoying the flirting, you can turn the temperature up.
Tease her a little.
“You’re enjoying flirting with me way too much.”
She might shoot back, “Who said I was flirting?”
Now you smile.
“That’s adorable.”
Congratulations. We have sexual tension.
Notice that nobody has described a sex act. Nobody has sent an unsolicited picture of anything. Nobody has asked what she’s wearing underneath her clothes seven minutes after learning her last name.
Human civilization continues.
The hottest flirting usually leaves something to the imagination.
You want her thinking, Is this going somewhere?
Not, Why do I already know this person’s favorite position?
And when you’re feeling genuine mutual chemistry, don’t chicken out and become her new platonic meteorologist.
“I had fun talking to you. I want to see you again.”
Or:
“I think you’re sexy. Let me take you out sometime.”
Direct. Adult. Confident.
If she wants to exchange numbers, fantastic.
If she doesn’t, that’s the end of it.
Because sexy confidence isn’t forcing someone to notice you. It’s being comfortable enough to show your attraction while giving the other person complete freedom to decide whether they want to play along.
So flirt. Smile. Be a little naughty. Make her laugh. Let your eyes linger without staring like you’re trying to perform an X-ray.
And remember the golden rule of adult flirting:
Your goal isn’t to convince her to want you.
It’s to find the woman who’s already thinking:
Okay… I’m definitely flirting back.
