There is a big difference between BDSM and a bad or abusive relationship. If you are questioning if your BDSM is moving beyond a safe place chances are it already has. Here are some warning signs to watch for if you’re wondering if your Dominant may just be an abusive person.
Red Flags
If you answer yes to any of the following questions it indicates you are with an abusive person. The dom you are with is dangerous and you need to get out of the relationship now.
Are you afraid of your Dominant?
Do they threaten to leave or abandon you if you don’t submit?
Do they threaten violence if you don’t submit?
Does the Dominant give you expensive gifts to get you to do something you don’t honestly want to do?
Have you gained or lost a lot of weight while being with the Dominant?
Do they make you feel guilty if you can’t or won’t do something?
Does the Dominant make you feel ugly and unwanted?
Have you ever felt like you have been raped after having sex with the Dominant?
Do they ignore your needs, such as medical treatment, food or clothing?
.Have they ever questioned your loyalty when you question their behavior?
Does your Dominant ignore your limits or safe words?
As a submissive, you need to learn to always trust your instincts. If you feel you are in a dangerous or violent BDSM relationship you are not alone and there are resources out there for you. We highly recommend National Leather Association – International Domestic Violence Project.
Remember the core of BDSM is consent! In a healthy BDSM relationship you and your partner exchange power, sensations and experiences in a mutually fulfilling way. If you are not both fulfilled it does not necessarily mean that you are in a bad relationship you just may need to sit down with your partner and talk about the issues you are having. Both partners need to be mutually invested in the wellbeing of their partner physically and emotionally.v
