Wandering into the world of BDSM requires a little research. Before you get started you need to be sure you are both on the same page about what exactly you want to try. Many people confuse kink, BDSM, D/s, and power play. If you have come to an agreement, then read on to find out what some of your first steps should be.

Know your Limits

Whether you’re planning a one-time scene, a power dynamic within an intimate relationship, or anything in between, it’s essential before you begin you set clear boundaries and set a safe word, so you can both safely push your limits. Be concise with each other on both your hard limits and your soft limits. If you are having trouble picking a safe word try the stop light system. The stop light safe words are: “green” meaning you are great, “yellow” meaning you’re fine but approaching a boundary, and “red” meaning stop immediately.

Learn the Lingo

One of the easiest ways to dip your toes, with minimal chance is to change up your bedroom lingo. Address your partner as “Sir,” “Master,” or “Mistress.” Say “please” and “thank you”. Speak deferentially, with sentences like: “Please, Mam, tell me what I can do to you to make you feel good” or “You are not allowed to orgasm until I give you permission Pet.”

Submission

If you are new to BDSM role play is a great way to try your hand at dominance and submission. It can take time to learn to get into a sub headspace, roleplay can help you get out of your normal mindset while making easier to say and try things you normally would not. When you are new to roleplay it can be hard to find a scene you want to play. Some great ones to start with are Royals: a King and his Queen,  a princess and her forbidden knight, there are many scenario’s that allow either gender to be the top. Professor and student, or Boss and secretary are a few other options.

Throughout all of your sexual experiences, do not forget to keep checking in with each other to make sure you’re both feeling happy and safe. You could make the conversations become a part of your after care, so they become part of your routine.