In honor of this horrifying holiday we have compiled some of the most disturbing sex stories we have ever heard.
The backdoor beggar
“I was dating this dating in Germany for a while, he was really clean cut, conservative type, very polite, and so sweet. So when I decided it was time to take things to another level, I brought him back to my place one night. He came in and we started making out, he was very tender and sexy and attentive to me and mmmmmm I was really getting excited! He told me to go slip into something sexy, so I went off to the bathroom giggling. Put on my sexy best and came back out he was on my bed, looking like a brand new box of Godiva chocolate ready for me to tear open. I slipped over on top of him, and he pulled my head down to him and whispered in my ear……”I want you to stick your vibrator in my ass.”
I guess they missed the “exit only” sign in Germany.
Snapped
Maybe next time he’ll remember the saddle.
Creepy Crawlers
Well that’s one nasty surprise, bet he’ll be leaving the lights on from now on.
Dirty Dick Dead Pussy
So back in 2009, my friend had met a girl at a concert at our local college. They talked on Facebook and texted for awhile before she finally came over, clearly with the intent of hooking up. After the initial make-out, she put the breaks on and told him that she was a virgin, and wasn’t sure if she was ready to make that “emotional” jump with a guy she barely knew. Hilariously, he was ready to back down right there, until she suggested sticking it in her pooper. Good for you, girl!
I guess he figured because she so readily offered her rectum to him that she was some sort of anal veteran. Unfortunately, she wasn’t. After the initial struggle to even get it in, she asked him to pull out because it hurt, and unceremoniously splattered shit all over his dick. Needless to say, he was freaked out and ran to clean off, while she ran out of his house, humiliated.
But wait. It gets worse.
Being the nice guy that he was, my friend assured her that it wasn’t a big deal. They reconciled and she came over a few days later. Predictably, things once again became hot and heavy. He didn’t pressure her to do anything, but she offered him oral sex. Really, it was the least she could do after shitting all over his dick. Unfortunately, it would seem that she wasn’t the most experienced at giving head either, because the first thing she did was attempt to gobble his whole dick. It hit her gag reflex, and she puked all over the poor guy’s pubic region.
But wait, it still gets worse.
In the piece du resistance, she (naturally) ran out of his house screaming again. He was just weirded out at this point. While he was showering the ickies away, he heard a knock on his door. He opened and saw his lady love with her car halfway down his driveway. She sheepishly asked, “You don’t have a cat, do you?”
Yes, she ran over his cat. After shitting on his dick and puking all over his balls.
I wish I could offer some kind of proof of this. All you have is my word that a twenty-one-year-old guy would never willingly lie about something like this.
Awesomely enough, he tried several times after that to call her, but she just totally ignored him. He also took the fall for her killing the cat and told his parents that he did it.
TL;DR: Bad things happen to good people. Like someone will poop and puke all over you, then kill your pet.
If that doesn’t give you nightmares, were not sure what will!
