Internet hookups and dating aren’t something new that people have just discovered. The invention started way back when, when Control Video Corporation became America Online (or AOL…or as it was affectionately called by the community, AOHell) began and chat rooms were a “thing.” There were no DM’s, there was instant message. Back when people were excited to hear a badly recorded “You’ve Got Mail” after waiting 5 minutes for the blaring sound to signal that they were connected via 28.8 kb/s connection…and now I feel thoroughly decrepit. Anyway, through the invention of social interaction through the Internet, we got the first version of texting, of sexting, and—of course—catfishing (but that’s another topic entirely).
…Anyways, I’ve had plenty of female friends lament about how difficult it is to find a guy that doesn’t weird them out, in person or through online sites. Usually, it’s the conversation—whether the initial one or the ongoing conversation if a guy manages to keep them interested—that seems too often to go awry. The problem usually lies in the fact that the guys simply cannot follow social cues, which a lot of women seem to have embedded in their DNA (even interacting online); sorry guys, women hold better conversations, which is why a lot of us sound like gibbering buffoons when we first meet a girl we like. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women who probably don’t know what to say if their crush approaches them or does something vastly outside of their normative parameters (like say “hi”), but they’re much more graceful in picking their chin up off the ground.
Because of these complaints, laments, and overall let-downs, I decided to put together a basic compendium that can help a lot of guys avoid ruining what could otherwise be a fruitful adventure with hot chicks whether texting, et. al. I call it: The Ten Commandments of Tinder Talk (though it’s not solely applicable to Tinder) and I will be counting down from 10 down to 1.
The Tenth Commandment: Thou Shalt Go With the Flow
It can be a nerve-wracking mess when first getting to know someone online—even when they’re seeking communication—but understand: your job isn’t to get her interested in you. She’s already interested enough. At this point the guy’s job isn’t to enhance, it’s to not strike out. Be yourself, and if you feel awkward being yourself, ease into it. Go with the natural flow of conversation. It’s a dance. But unlike in most forms, you’re not the leader (at least initially). If she wants you to lead the conversation, she’ll throw the ball in your court; she’ll ask questions about you and your personal interests which gives you the opportunity to talk. It’s then your job to throw the ball back. At that point, you’re both trying to see how much your interests lineup. Hopefully they do. But the only way you’ll know is if you ask, so follow her lead, go with the flow and ask her the same types of questions about herself.
Be water, my friend. You can either flow, or you can crash and burn because you try to force conversation in a way that leaves you hanging out to dry.
And remember to relax; you’re not interviewing for a job. If she starts condescension right off the bat of why should she talk to you, just remember that you don’t have to talk to her–just back away slowly.
Read the entire list of Tinder tips here:
Commandement X
Commandment IX
Commandment VIII
Commandment VII
Commandment VI
Commandment V
Commandment IV
Commandment III
Commandment II
Commandment I
